Whenever I hear someone say, “Would you like a little constructive criticism?” I cringe! I don’t believe there is such a thing as constructive criticism. All criticism is destructive.
When we criticize another person, it undermines that person. No one wants to hear someone say, “Let me tell you what’s wrong with you.” That’s what criticism does. Telling someone what’s wrong with her can add to any feelings of inadequacy or incompetency she may already have. She may get her feelings hurt, get angry, or have a need to retaliate. None of this is helpful.
When a child gets criticized, it causes self-doubt, creates poor self-image, and can even break her spirit, causing her to give up on her dreams, ambitions, and desires. In addition,m it teachers her to criticize herself, creating feelings of inferiority…feeling she is not “good enough” and she learns to run herself down. Then, when someone offers her a genuine compliment or accolade, she has trouble believe it to be true. Criticism undermines self-esteem and decreases effectiveness.
If your desire is truly to help someone become better, to have more, or to improve her performance, then say, “Would you like an idea of how you might do that quicker? Or easier? Or better?” Or, “May I suggest how you could improve your performance?” Most of us welcome suggestions and ideas. These are conducive to building self-esteem and confidence.
If someone offers you some constructive criticismm why not smile and say in a warm tone of voice, “I would appreciate any suggestions you can give me for how I can improve.”
