A relationship is a close harmonic connection you have with someone else. This can be a love partner, a friend, a spouse, a child, a boss, and even someone you dislike. Afterall, the qualifier for a relationship is simply a close connection.
The point is that all relationships, whether they’re love connections, familial bonds, work connections, or friendships all require communication. Communication encompasses all verbal and non-verbal messages you send, and contrary to popular western culture, it’s not the responsibility of the person receiving the communication to decipher your message properly. Whether the message you send is verbal or non-verbal, it is your responsibility to send the message you want or need heard.
We do crazy things for love. A woman changes her name for a husband, and best friends disappear to the powder room together. It doesn’t matter if that love is romantic or friendship based. It’s still love.
In our relationships, some of those crazy things involve actions like:
- Walking away during conflict to cool off
- Putting work or financial needs above everything else
- Injecting humor into the relationship
In school, and by some of our parents, many of us were taught that when we get angry, walking away is the best thing we can do. Walking away during a fight, leaving to cool off, shutting down and not talking all have the potential to give you the time to consider your responses before you speak.
Shutting down all verbal communication in favor of the silent treatment is a very effective means of preventing yourself from saying something regrettable.
Leaving puts distance between you and the other person so you can both calm down. It’s effective, and there’s nothing wrong with this. Individuals who admonish conflict or who are averse to it tend to recover better after arguments, if they can excise themselves from the argument or fight.
In some cases, this involves physically leaving the room, or home. In others, it may involve cutting off communication between yourself and a friend for a while; even going so far as to block their access to your social media feeds.
Remember, everything you do sends a message. Walking away during a fight may give you the time you need to cool down and consider your words. But, what message does it send a partner who isn’t averse to conflict?
Some of us see fighting and arguments as a part of life and relationship. There are better ways to sort out differences, and arguments aren’t ideal, but sometimes, conflict is necessary to find middle ground. If you’re the type of person who walks away during an argument to meet your needs, but your partner isn’t, you could be sending a very damaging message to the other person.
It may send the message that you care so little about a relationship you’re not willing to fight for it. Shutting down communications in favor of some kind of silent treatment sends the message you have very little respect for the other person because you can’t be bothered to hear his words. While walking away or shutting down communications is effective in putting out a fire, it can create underlying resentment which later results in a much larger explosion.
Putting work before family is often one of the easiest things we do. Our family will always be there, right?
Except that kids grow up, spouses stop communicating, and friends grow apart when things, even important matters like your livelihood, are permitted to come in between you and the other important people in your life.
Working, or using work as an excuse to skip a date or appointment, sends the message the other person means less to you than everything else in your life.
Finally, humor is important in any relationship. It reminds us of why we invest so much into any given relationship. Deploying humor during an argument can alleviate some anger, stress, and hostility. It can also put the relationship into proper perspective.
Humor often uses words, but using humor in and of itself can send the message that you’re trying to keep perspective of the relationship and the other person… that your relationship means more to you than winning an argument.
There are literally millions of things you do to send messages. Within the context of our relationships, the things we often do to protect them can send the wrong messages, if we’re not careful. The next time you take a step or make a decision, ask yourself what kind of message it will send to the other person and be sure that is the message you want him to receive.
Judi Moreo is the author of the award-winning book, “You Are More Than Enough: Every Woman’s Guide to Purpose, Passion, and Power.” She is a motivational speaker, self esteem strategist, and customer service trainer. She can be reached at (702) 283-4567 or judi@judimoreo.com.
Leave A Comment