When people treat you wrong, it is very easy to hold a grudge. You may not understand how it could be possible to forgive someone for a slight, especially if the action was especially hurtful. Maybe you think forgiveness is about the other person and somehow, they benefit from you forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about the other person, at all. It is about you.
Forgiving people doesn’t always mean they stay in your life. Sometimes, you don’t even let them know you are forgiving them. You don’t even need to trust them again. Just forgive them, so you can to eliminate the negativity in your life.
Even horrific crimes can be forgiven. For safety reasons, you may want to use an indirect way of forgiving them instead of contacting them directly. Write a letter as if you plan on sending it to the other person. Talk about how what they did made you feel, and about how it made you think about yourself. Write about how you are no longer going to allow them space in your head and how you forgive them for what they did to you.
When you finish writing, seal up the letter in an envelope and put their name on the front. Then either throw it away (shred it first!) or burn the letter. It does not have to be read by the person you are forgiving. This exercise is to help you get past the negativity and the chains that are holding you back.
If you find you can’t forgive on your own, you may want to talk with a professional. Therapy can really help you get past this hurdle. Especially, if the person committed a serious crime. If you have been abused, particularly over a long period of time, you may need therapy to help you get past what was done to you. There is nothing wrong with seeking help.
Once you have forgiven the other person, you will feel like a weight has been lifted, or chains have been removed. Grudges are not healthy for you and they don’t affect the other person. When you bottle up negative feelings, you increase your risks of developing heart disease and other health conditions. You tend to age faster, as well. Not forgiving others can dim your overall outlook on life, so why put yourself through all of that?
Remember, forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about eliminating the negativity in your own life. So, free yourself today by forgiving others for the wrongs they have done to you.
Judi Moreo is an author, speaker, and life coach. She has written 11 books including “You Are More Than Enough: Every Woman’s Guide to Purpose, Passion, and Power.” Judi can be reached at judimoreo@yahoo.com
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