More important than what we do in life is how we do it! This week a friend of ours thought she was having a heart attack, so another friend called 9-1-1. The operator asked the caller a lot of questions, which she was not able to answer. So she said, “I don’t know!” From overhearing only the one side of the conversation, there was obviously a lot that she couldn’t answer, as I heard her repeatedly say, “I don’t know.” Then, after a short span of time, she raised her voice and was yelling at the operator, “Why don’t you listen? I told you, I don’t know.” I heard her repeat this three times getting louder and louder. Then I heard, “Don’t you tell me to calm down!” and she slammed down the phone. I asked, “Is the ambulance on it’s way?” She called back to find out and after the operator assured her that the ambulance was on it’s way, they got into it again.
From what I observed, this looked like victim behavior to me. Victim behavior is when we feel we have no control. We may become angry and resentful; we blame other people for what is happening; we have poor communication skills, we are insecure, and our self-esteem is low. Victim behavior is where we swing between the two extremes of aggressive and submissive behavior. In other words, something occurs and this person feels threatened, launches a full blown aggressive attack. Aggression creates alienation. After it is over, the person is usually consumed by guilt and remorse, and swings back into a more submissive style. Yet, underneath harbors resentment against the other person and reaffirms to herself that she was right in her behavior, even though that behavior took an emotional toll on her. This kind of aggressive behavior creates more victims and closes down communication. The aggressor actually becomes a victim of her own victimizing tactics.
This type of behavior is a sure sign of low self-esteem. Do you know someone who behaves this way? How do you feel about this person? Have you behaved this way? Did it leave you emotionally drained?
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