Most people enjoy people showing an interest in them. I know I do. But, there are some people who just have to be the center of attention. They talk incessantly about themselves, their accomplishments, what they own, who they know, where they have been, and even, the illnesses they have suffered. There is no exchange of information. For them, it’s all about “me, myself, and I.” If they do ask you a question, it’s probably about what you think about them. I hope you aren’t one of these people! Why? Because people tend not to like to be around someone who is totally self-centered.
I said self-centered, not selfish. These people are not selfish. In fact, they are usually very giving people. It’s just that their self-esteem is so low, they feel they have to make every effort to make you see they have some value. They are really crying out for help. They want your approval. They want you to believe they are someone worth knowing. Unfortunately, their behavior usually has the opposite effect.
If you find you are one of these people, instead of trying to get all of the attention, make an effort to do things to make the other person feel special. The biggest psychological need people have is to be understood. You can help them by cutting down on your talking and revving up your listening skills. Ask them questions about them and then listen attentively. Show interest in what they have to say. Lean forward. Comment on what they have said before you start telling your own story. Compliment them on things they do well.
The more you make other people feel special, the more people will want to e around you and that will feed your need for attention.
If you’d like to read more on this subject, my friend, Jesse Ferrell, wrote a fabulous book entitled, How You Leave Them Feeling. Pick up a copy at any bookstore or on Amazon.com.
