Every relationship we have either benefits from or is diminished by our ability to communicate. Some of us are better at communication than others, and some of us are simply better at different types of communication because of our preferences. No matter how sound a relationship is, there is always going to be room for improvement in communication, because individual personalities can sometime create variations in the rules without conscious effort or acknowledgement.
Understand Your Partners Communication Preferences
You’ve undoubtedly been in an argument of some kind with a significant other when, at some point, that individual made a comment which rubbed you the wrong way or made the situation worse. When you addressed their words, their defensiveness kicked in because they didn’t understand how the words they said could’ve been so offensive.
This happens because we all have different sensitivities to different forms of communication. For some of us, situations boil down to how the words were said, not the actual words. Remember, the pitch, volume, and tone of your voice, speaks louder than the words you use because they determine the meaning of the words.
Humor
Humor is important in any relationship so long as it’s not a default setting: then the relationship simply becomes the punch line.
Using humor when things are going great re-enforces the good times. It sets the tone for happy memories which we later lean on or refer back to. Deploying humor during conflict can help to keep the argument and opposing opinions in proper perspective so that the reason for the argument doesn’t become invasive to the rest of the relationship.
Humor communicates the desire to put the relationship before the ego. However, using it as a crutch can be detrimental to a relationship. No argument should be avoided in favor of humor, and no keystone moment should be so flooded with humor that the event becomes a joke. There is a time and place for humor within relationships and communication.
Breaking Patterns During Conflict
One of the most common causes for conflict or arguments within a relationship is a lack of communication. Some individuals prefer to walk away during arguments to diffuse the conflict. However, others prefer to fight it out. This, in and of itself, can become a major inhibitor to effective communication.
Rather than walk away during a fight, or cut off communication, change the conversation. Make it clear that things are getting too heated for your comfort level. When you find yourself yelling, or talking over each other, be the one to take the initiative to listen.
Listening
A lot of us assume that communication only refers to sending out signals or messages. On the contrary, a large part of communication is listening. This doesn’t mean listening so that you can respond or sitting in silence until it’s your turn to speak.
Listening, to improve a relationship, requires that you hear and understand what your significant other is trying to say. Rather than being the one to lead the conversation, or speak louder so that you’re heard, try sitting in silence to listen to what the other person is trying to say.
Also, understand that listening requires you to listen in the context of their preferred method of communication. Some people prefer honesty of words. Others are highly sensitive to facial expressions and body language.
These individuals will give considerably more weight to your body language, facial expression, tone, pitch of voice, and gestures over the words you form. Understand that these people will also communicate in this way.
At the same time, those of us who put emphasis on non-verbal forms of communication must also learn to listen when others are heavy verbal communicators.
Judi Moreo is a keynote speaker, creativity coach, and the author of “You Are More Than Enough: Every Woman’s Guide to Purpose, Passion, and Power.” She can be contacted at judi@judimoreo.com or 702-896-2228.
Leave A Comment